Please

My best friend's sister is my husband's ex girlfriend. In Calaveras County, it's normal. This incestuous like relationship. See, F and J dated in high school. They broke up, but she remained friends with his brother. Then my best friend became friends with him, and we all followed. I met my best friend because her mom was best friends with my ex boyfriend's mom. I'm not kidding. After I broke up with the ex, I decided to pursue (attack) my husband, during a party at his brother's house. I had her blessing for the most part, it had been over 10 years, she was happily married and had an adorable baby. To my knowledge she wasn't angry. She got pregnant again, and was pregnant until this morning. She gave birth via emergency c-section at 7 am, to her beautiful daughter who was 23 weeks gestation, so that means about 25 weeks along in the pregnancy. I feel guilty as I write this for so many reasons. This isn't my story, but it has affected me deeply. This was my worst fear. It remains my worst fear, the loss of a child. For a very long time I refused to consider starting a family, it's so much easier to go through life when it's just you. When you don't put yourself out there, your whole heart into another person. If you don't, your heart can't be lost. (One of my favorite bloggers touched on this recently, I don't have linking skills, but it's called Is There Any Mommy Out There? I recommend you look it up.) I spent my entire pregnancy, not getting attached. Complication free pregnancy and I was still surprised when I gave birth and she was healthy. I'd known of around 8 of my friends that had had a miscarriage in the year or so before that, I expected the same. Maybe because if you expect it it doesn't hurt as much. Which is a crock of shit, but it's one of the many lies I've told myself over the years. I was annoyed during pregnancy, no drinking, smoking, AND I'm fat?! SUCKS. None the less, I would have been crushed if something had happened. I will be inconsolable if something happens the next time, because now I know. I know what this love is. She's going through this, and I don't have words for her. Everyone else is sending prayers and good wishes for their family. I don't pray, and I can not bring myself to write that I will. My usual sending positive vibes is not going to cut it. I don't know how to tell her what's in my heart because I know it will not matter. Nothing anyone else can say will break through during this time I think. It wouldn't for me. I'm not going to send her an email, text her a message, not good enough, not important enough, and a card, not even a consideration. I don't know how or what to tell her. I feel bad even writing this because it's about my feelings when really, I can't even comprehend what she might be feeling now. They aren't even a drop in the bucket compared to the ocean you're swimming through. And my best friend, living far away in a different country, feeling incapable of being there for her sister and niece, what she is going through. As a first time aunt to 2 nieces I haven't even met yet but who still have all my love, I can't imagine her pain either. So. Even though she will never read this, I send it out into the universe, to be received by anything and anyone that may be. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through right now. I hope, with all my heart to be attending your baby's 7 birthday party and thinking about how far she has come, singing her happy birthday. I wish strength for you unlike anything you were aware could come from your body, and I send you love.