Tuesday, September 20, 2011
“I like smart girls. That’s why I married your mama. Well, that and I knocked her up.”
Confession; I don’t really have a ‘beauty regimen’. With the exception of the short amount of time I was able to afford regular eyebrow waxing, which was awesome, I never have. I day dream about face bleaching for my forehead that has turned into a big brown spot I have no idea what to do about, (my friend says it’s hyper pigmentation, who knows, I’ve tried sunscreen, hats, it still just stubbornly remains) but that’s as close as I get. I used this peach face scrub that had sand in it until I happened to be at my doctor one day and was all; Holy shit this skin of mine, look at all these zits! Any advice? And she said use cetaphyl, which I did, till like last month.
In high school I started using baby wipes to take off my make up every night. Sometime after J and I had gotten together I must have bought some off brand or something because I had a wicked reaction to them, but only for about 20 minutes and my cheap ass self decided it was worth it for not having to waste money to buy new ones when I still had some left. But then J witnessed my eyes leaking and my face a brilliant shade of red one night and asked me what the hell was wrong with me. I explained and he said something along the lines of dear god woman, those are made for baby’s asses, find something for your face! So I started buying the generic make up remover wipes from co.stco. They’re made for my face! It’s a total step up right?!
I had the perfect moisturizer. It was made by dove, and it was called skin brightening something or other. It was under $15, spf 20, smelled nice, good texture, moisturized without being greasy and had these tiny glitter bits in it. Not so that I looked like I belonged on Twil.ight, just enough that I felt glowy. Then they discontinued it. I’ve tried so many things. They all smell like sunscreen, are greasy, leave my face with dry peeling parts, and give me zits. I refuse to spend over $15 on lotion for my face because I just KNOW they will suck just as much ass as the cheaper versions, and I cannot afford expensive lotions rotting under my bathroom sink alongside the (still effin expensive as they add up) cheaper ones. I just can’t.
So we were having a discussion at the dinner table about the all around horribleness that is my face (I don’t remember why it came up, most likely it’s because I’m a whiner.) and my MiL asked if I would use stuff from Beau.ty Cont.rol if she gave it to me. Apparently this stuff is kind of like A.von, in that you have to buy it from certain people, and not at the store. She is a ‘consultant’ but only so she can buy stuff for herself at a cheaper price, she doesn’t sell it to other people. So I said, sure, why not.
Holy Shit you guys. I am now the proud owner of a drawer full of face stuff. I’m clueless. Luckily it came with an Order of Usage list;
Cleanser (am and pm)
Scrub (as recommended)
Tonic (am and pm)
Cell Bloc.k-C Intensive multi vitamin face serum (am pm) (I don’t have)
Cell Blo.ck-C Intensive brightening elixir (am pm) (don’t have)
Regeneration repair products (don’t have)
Face (am pm as recommended)
Eyes (am pm as recommended)
Regeneration Reprogram (am) (don’t have)
Cell bl.ock-C new cell protection spf 20 (am)
Cell bloc.k-C PM cell protection (pm) (don’t have)
Moisturize am pm as needed
Not listed but I have it; some special zit tonic, acid face peel stuff and microderm eye-x-cel eye cream
My brain exploded. So I shoved all of it in the drawer and started using the face scrub and the cell block-c because it is spf 20. Why is there a face scrub AND a cleanser? I asked, my MiL said she uses one in the morning and one at night. Fuck, I’m supposed to wash my face at night? Just totally give up the makeup wipes?!! And wtf is tonic? Do I need it? I get the zit tonic, you’re supposed to put it on your zits, but what’s the point of the everyday tonic?
I understand that in 5 years I’m going to kick myself in the ass for using shit products all this time. But I’m poor, and I can’t afford to spend willy nilly until I find the perfect stuff for me, if such a thing exists. Which if we’re being honest, I doubt it does. My question; do you people do this stuff every day?!! Is this worth my time, money, and effort? My skin does look nicer, not all peely in places, (of course the brown spot is hanging on for dear life) but do I need to add in all the extra steps and foreign shit to my face? Is it worth it in the long run? I just don’t know if I’m willing to part with all this cash if not. I mean, if I was looking for a way to spend money I’d get cable!!
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I use Cetaphil and tinted moisturizer. My skin looks like shit. The only time it didn't was when I had free insurance that covered antibiotics and Differin. But then I burnt the hell out of my face with that cream hair remover shit and I couldn't do both at once. I decided zitty was better than hairy. Now I don't use that either, and I swear I've aged 15 years in 2. So, uh, don't ask me. I suck.
ReplyDeleteI provide no help. I see a dermatologist because I'm one of those lucky Southern Californian's who had skin cancer at age 27. I use Olay moisturizer and sometimes Neutrogena and Origins facewash when I'm not lazy-- but mostly I am just lazy and use water. Otherwise I use cheap, drugstore makeups and assume the worst will also happen to me in a few years.
ReplyDeleteI have some very high-end items, but I've been told(during a facial) that a good buff (which made me laugh) once a week & Clinique toner & their non-oil based face lotion is all I really need, so...
ReplyDeleteI use a whole lot of absolutely nothing. I hate makeup, even though I have a crapton of it. When I do use the shit, it's only eyeliner, shadow and mascara. Most of the time I stick with either carmex or blistex. But ummm yeah, I don't wash my face, I don't do anything. My makeup usually stays put for a couple days. ;) I'm lucky that I only break out rarely now. In high school I was in a world of hurt. But I've heard that proactive or whatever that zit remover shit is they sell on tv is supposed to work miracles. And I know there is relatively cheap skin brightener stuff on the market somewhere. Just be careful what brand you get. Cheap is not better.
ReplyDeleteProactive can suck my dick. Don't waste your money, Cetaphil is far better. The generic works just as well, and I *think* it was Purpose moisturizer that worked well. I'm not sure though, my friend worked for the company so I got it for like $3. Supposedly honey is a good moisturizing wash, my mom had some shit that was Dr. Bronner's baby castile soap, honey and tea tree oil with water that worked REALLY well. Ahhh, I remember that mandarin orange essential oil is supposed to lighten skin too, you're supposed to mix it with something, but I always used it straight. Give me a few days to find my brain, then remind me, and I'll play around and find ratios, etc. I know the stuff my mom bought was like $25 a bottle that lasted a month, I'm thinking it would cost $15 for a year's supply if you make it yourself.
ReplyDeleteThere are two kinds of women in the world. Those who will tell you it's worth the time and money and those who will say it's not. I'm with the "proactive can suck my dick" group. It's fucking marketing. It's marketing geared towards insecure women. I use store brand vaseline intensive care lotion all over. Even my face. People are always telling me I've got a nice complexion. Wanna know why? I was born with it. Same as I was born with fugly toes and small tits. I just plan on waiting til I'm disgusting and then getting a face transplant. Obviously.
ReplyDeleteBAHAHAHA!!! I'm so happy it's not just me!!
ReplyDeleteActually I did try proactive, TWICE, and it made my skin worse. I was so so sad, it was after that I started using cetaphil. So I guess I'll just use what I have and then figure it out later.
Thanks for the tips and support. :))
I use cetaphil even though I think it feels like spooge and it kind of grosses me out. I use some kind of orange "organics" face lotion with spf 15 during the day because it smells like citrus and was next to the Burt's Bees stuff at Target. I am jealous of your new products. I would love to use all that stuff, but I'm kind of lazy. And also cheap.
ReplyDeleteI think the exact same thing about cetaphil, they can't make it less inappropriate looking?!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty lazy too, also, VERY cheap.
Well, I honestly think it's all based on genetics and I got some shitty ones... I actually got roped into buying... an $80 moisturiser about 2 weeks ago! And no... I cannot afford this, but my skin has taken on a new life form over the past few weeks, one that is reminiscent of being 14... so as much as I wish I could say "proactive can suck my dick" I really do buy the expensive stuff. Have I noticed a difference???? Mmmm... a little bit. Is it worth $80... fuck no. Will go back and get another facial? Yes. Why? Because 3 people have told me since then that my skin is glowing. I think it might just be the high sheen of the pus oozing from my zits, but I'll take it either way! So, I guess it is worth it to some extent. At least now I know what to buy you for Christmas!!!!
ReplyDelete