Testing....testing...1 2 3....

*tap tap tap*  Is this thing on?

Well we are at dial up speeds, and it doesn't seem to be loading to make a new post so I might have to write this one place, save it, and attempt to post from my phone.  But it's better than nothing right?  Haha.

It's really weird typing on a laptop.  It feels way different.  I was thinking the other day about how some people are inspired by pen to paper, that's when their creative juices get flowing.  When I think about writing?  I think in keyboard.  I have awful handwriting, that even I have trouble reading.  Typing is just so much more accomodating to the thoughts in my brain.

We had an eventful week las week.  My sister and niece were down for a few days, she attended her grandma's funeral and then stayed with us.  I thought about attending, I was informed that funerals aren't like weddings, so long as you're not forbidden, you're allowed to go even if you didn't receive an 'invitation'.  But in the end I decided to stay home.  I sent a card to grandpa which I was told was very well received, so that makes me feel good that I did.

Unlike last time, where they were in and out and very busy, this time it was just us and them all day for 3 whole days.  I had a really good time.  We have our schedule, and because my niece has nap at the same time, it all worked out really well.  Interestingly enough,  even though that stupid king bed is back there taunting me, when the pack and play is set up, and there's 2 babies slumbering down my hall my heart does feel at peace with it.  Even if they aren't both my kid.  It was a soothing feeling.  So we'd get up and just have our normal day, but with counterparts.  I loved being with my niece, the pure joy on her face while she swings should not be missed.  And it was very good to be with my sister.  I am broken hearted that we all live so far away from each other.  I wish we could be closer and be a part of each other's lives, especially the kids.

G was a little bit better behaved.  Very little.  3 is going to be our undoing I think.  I did notice how much better she plays with kids that are older than her.  We had a 6 year old and an 8 year old over with their parents for playtime and dinner a couple days after my niece left and a wonderful time was had by all.  They played through out the house, and I didn't hear one raised voice or rude tone.  I don't know if they just ignore her, so she just doesn't bother, or if the structured has a point play is the difference.  I was amazed though, and more than a little relieved to see she does have some social skills.

I feel like if I had a tag line it'd be; 'My kid gives grandmas the stink eye at the grocery store.'  They come up all happy to see her; "Aww, aren't you so.....cute....."  trailing off as they catch the look on her face.  She's never been one for strangers at the store, she's just more obvious about it now.  I'm torn between wanting a well behaved nicely mannered child and a bold knows her own feelings finger to society child.  Either way it'd be super awesome if she ate her GD food once in awhile.  ;)

Summer has begun.  It was 6 months since I had Little M last week, and this week is once again Little T's due date.  I'm trying my best to acknowlege these times, being mindful that I should expect some sadness, but without letting it take over and destroy the progress I've made in digging myself out of the hole of depression and grief.  It's an interesting tight rope walk.

I'm sending good thoughts to the mamas who have just had their babies, and especially the mamas who are so close to have theirs.

Everyone keep their fingers crossed this works, and if you have a moment, go ahead and send a thought up to the internet gods that they stop raining on my parade.  I'm getting a 'you're dangerously close to sucking up all your data plan' text this month for sure.