"It's like your Aunt Edna's ass. It goes on forever and it's just as frightening."

I have dyed my own hair my entire adult life.  I went to a salon to get it done exactly once, and it was at my MiL insistence as it was like 2 weeks before my wedding.  The color was gorgeous, the price notsomuch.  I'm cheap, my hair just isn't that much of a priority. 

I only dye from the ears forward of my hair now, in an attempt to keep as much of it healthy as I can, lightening it does a lot of  damage in my case.  I'd just leave it the normal color but it is a very dull gray (not the white gray that comes with age just a blah gray) light brown that is not attractive in my opinion.  I tried dying it darker, as that's not quite as damaging, but it only accentuated the sun spots on my forehead and within 2 weeks my actual gray hairs we're sticking up all like HI!  WE'RE RIGHT HERE!!  CAN YOU SEE US?!!  I didn't like it and gradually went back to the light blond. 

The only problem with light blond is that I'm always worried I'm going all  Kelly Bundy, and instead of it looking flattering and somewhat natural and pretty I just look like a frizzy haired bleach blond with dark ass roots.  I only use half the box of dye, because I dont' need the whole thing, and Hi! I'm cheap, so my calculations are guesses on how much to use of each portion.  The last time I dyed it, it felt really brassy and unnatural.  So when it was time for my tri-yearly trim I asked A to do the dye job as well.  She asked what color and I said blond, because as I said I'm of 2 minds when it comes to the shade.  She chose a darker blond that is very close to my natural shade except not all yuck.  I was excited because I would now be answering my question of should I go darker?  

I should not.  I felt all mousy, dull.  I did not like the dark blond.  It turns out I'm an all the way girl.  If it's going to have streaks they're going to be dark purple and thick.  If it's going to be darker than my natural color it's going to be DARK BROWN, with black cherry mixed in.  And if it's going to be blond, apparently I'll be Kelly Bundy blond.  Contrast, I dig it.

So I highly anticipated my next hair dye day.  I did it myself, I had the other half of the box from before.  June 1st I bounced out of bed, made G her breakfast and chemicaled up while she ate.  As I waited the allotted time it was like the sunshine itself was circling my hair follicles.  I was so excited.  I could not wait to be BLOND again.  

I wash it out and dry it, and look at my reflection hopefully.  Brassy.  Damn.  I ask J what he thinks of my dye job.   He says "Umm, it's kinda orange."  

To which I replied; "Dick."  

He blinked.  "What do you think of the color?"  

Shit.  ".....Hmph.  Orange."  

He laughs, "Would you rather I lie?"  

Oh of course not.  I love his honesty, I really really do.  But I would rather my hair color come out the way I want.  So it seems it's back to the drawing board.  I'll have A do it next time I think, as it will be trimming time again, but this time I'll be more detailed about my wants.  Lighter.  Much.  But maybe not Kelly Bundy.  And NOT ORANGE.  :))  

*My quote: It's from Parenthood, the movie.  And it's grandpa describing what parenting is like.  My next amazon purchase will be Parenthood, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, and Mackenzie Phillips' biography.  Just in case you were wondering.