"We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."

I’ve never really been into the holidays. I didn’t actively hate them, I just didn’t particularly care one way or another. Our holidays when I was a kid were pretty lukewarm as well. We didn’t really like to spend much time together, but we kind of faked it for the day. Sometimes. As an adult I was pulled in too many directions, my dad, my mom, my grandparents, my ex’s dad, mom, grandparents. I did not want to make some schedule and keep track of who got what holiday. Then I realized most of my co workers at the group home had kids, and wanted to be with their families, so I came up with the awesomest solution to all the problems; I worked. The kids deserved to have a staff on the holidays who WANTED to be there. We went to our families’ houses on various weekends before or after the holiday if time allowed and that was that. The first Christmas that J and I were together I believe I worked. The second, I think I took Christmas day off, and spent it drinking with his brother (who has been one of my best friends for about a billion years) while he rode dirt bikes on the property. The third I was about 6 weeks pregnant, and married for about 7 weeks. Needless to say we had not made traditions by the time it was G’s first Christmas. Her second I spent in a fog having lost Little T two days before and that brings us up to this year. We’re struggling to figure out how we want to do the holidays. We’re atheists so it won’t be about religion for us, and neither of us are really big fans of them to begin with. G however, did not get this memo. She ADORES this stuff. She yelled “Christmas tree!!” the first time she saw a hint of decorations this year. She totally remembered from last year. She sits in front of the tree for hours, looks at all the lights, plays with the decorations. She was so excited she almost exploded and that was before she knew about the whole presents deal. Now I catch her reaching out to touch the ones under the tree and admonish her only to hear; “Mom! I just wookin’.” Now I used to be crafty. Like muthafuckin crafty. I did the wicked witch, turkey hands and snowflake, Christmas tree construction paper crafts with the kids. Dutifully decorating and undecorating for each holiday, while my own house remained unchanged. I never had any decorations, and I had a tree maybe once the entire time I lived in the city. I just didn’t care. But, I did do presents. One time I crocheted every single day for an ENTIRE YEAR to make blankets for everyone. I didn’t crochet for like 3 years after that, and to this day, normal size blankets are probably not going to happen. You want a hat? Scarf? Baby blanket? I might could help you, otherwise you’re on your own. EVERY DAY I crocheted. I took that bag to work, to kid’s therapy appointments, my doctor’s appointments, to get my license renewed at the DMV, lawd. I monogrammed towels for one year, tie dyed sheets one year, I plotted planned, and bought months in advance. Now? I’m all; “you totally want this movie from the $5 bin right?” I feel bad my in laws never benefitted from my craftiness, I’d long since given it up when I got together with J. Although, they’re craftier then I am so maybe it would have been a waste. I was trying to remember what had happened to make me stop. It wasn’t lack of time, the year I made those blankets I worked 40 hours, babysat 12, danced who knows how many hours in a week and still had time to you know, drink, smoke, argue with and/or spend time with my ex. I was going to blame booze, but then I remembered not being very sober and still managing awesome gifts. I honestly think that the internet is to blame. Once I discovered myspace, blogging, and online social time is when any sort of homemade things went down the drain. Well, and plus I was SUPER poor. I love to see the magic through G’s eyes, I’d like to make holidays she remembers happily. We have started some traditions throughout the year. An Easter egg hunt, trick or treating, cookies and picking pumpkins with friends. Now if only we could move this to Christmas. Hopefully some year “winging it” will turn into much loved family traditions. I hope everyone out there in blog land had a wonderful holiday, and I wish for all of us a fanfuckingtastic new year.