"So, to avoid this fate, I am being picked up by a spaceship that is hidden in the tail of an approaching comet."

I hate buying cards. I do. I hate reading one card after another and thinking to myself; lie, lie, LIE, lie. It’s just too easy to be dishonest with a store bought card. I’m not that much better at receiving them, rarely do I have the appropriate response in time to cover the “LIE” in my brain. Also? I throw them away. I KNOW. I’m an evil bitch. (I have kept the mother’s day cards J bought from G. And postcards interestingly enough, from my friends’ travels. Weird.) I don’t know what to tell you, I keep the sentiment, even if I don’t agree with what the card says, I do appreciate that someone made the effort, despite how ungrateful and horrible I sound. I can pick out funny cards, no problem there, it’s the emotional ones I have issues with. We all find different things acceptable or comforting from people while grieving. I appreciate most when people clear eyed and unemotional express their sentiments to me. I don’t have room for your feelings. Especially family, I feel utterly guilty for the shit I’m putting them through, I didn’t lose these babies by myself, they are grand kids, nephews, cousins to others. But I CAN NOT handle their emotions. I CAN NOT comfort them. Don’t give me pity eyes and back rubs, clicking tongues while you ask how I’m doing, making me convince you everything is going to be all right. I don’t want it. But everyone is different, some people want to cry with their friends and family members, they take comfort in the affection, solace in not being alone for that moment. Leave me alone if I’m crying. Ignore it. Punch me in the arm or bring me chocolate. Or better yet booze. I received a card yesterday from a very sweet girl. She knows J much better than me, he’s been an adopted member of their family since grade school. So I wasn’t surprised to receive the card, but I was floored when I opened it. It was perfect. She couldn’t have written another word to make it mean more if she tried. I had to share; It is a normal stationary card, an ocean scene, dolphins and fish on the front. Inside it said; Dear Amelia and J, A note to let you know, in heartfelt condolences with words hard to find; I send my deepest sympathy wishing you STRENGTH for today, and HOPE for tomorrow, while feeling ever grateful for having you guys as friends. Thank you for your friendship towards our family. May love be your shelter and beauty of precious memories remain. In deepest sympathy, Her name. Fuck yes. Now I’m going to have to thank her for it at her nieces’ birthday party next weekend, and I will probably cry, but it’ll be at a park and a shit ton of kids will be running around screaming so hopefully no one will notice.