"Will you take off your shirt... fuck! Seriously? It's like you're Photoshopped!"

When J was coming to my house for the first time to spend the weekend he asked what kind of movies I like. He has always been a movie whore, he buys them rather than going to the theater, so he had quite a few, plus I didn’t have cable. I told him movies where girls kick everyone’s ass. I was watching Blade Trinity on a nightly basis to motivate myself to do the 300 sit ups and 100 pushups regime I acquired in an effort to look something, anything, like Jessica Biel in that movie. Have you seen it? That woman has a six pack and shoulder muscles that make me drool. He brought me the 2 Underworld series that had been made by then, and it was perfect. I loved it. The girl does indeed kick everyone’s ass. We bonded over violence. Stacked on our wall are more movies than I care to count. Someday I will have built in shelves, but for now, in our room, the wall space surrounding where the tv is, is nicely stacked and organized dvds. In the hundreds. Our biggest section is Comedy. We like them inappropriate, with dick and fart jokes galore. We have all the Kevin Smith movies, I adore him, the Adam Sandlers, the Judd Aptows. One day, when G was not yet one, J walked in to me watching Zac and Miri Make a P.orno, again. He said “How many times do you think you can watch this movie with G without fucking her up in the head?!” To which I replied “Well at least once more I hope.” Ahh, those days are no longer. She’s a magpie and would repeat every inappropriate word. Our second biggest section is Action. I still love movies where the girl kicks everyone’s ass, which thankfully so does J. But I also appreciate the ones where the dudes are kicking ass too. They spend quite a bit of time with their shirts off. It’s nice to watch. Then comes kid’s movies. We both enjoyed watching them before we had G, and I also had quite a few because of babysitting. There’s 1 pile of drama, and waaayy over in the corner is the very small pile of chick flicks. The few romantic comedies I own, generally were bought by me and did not meet the expectation I had and so I just stopped buying them. But this stack also includes all my Ballet movies, which I do love, but are you know, unacceptable to watch in mixed company. (With J.) I’m just not much into girl movies, I don’t know what my deal is. I get annoyed. I like a few, but hopefully my MiL buys them so I can watch them because I’m not willing to spend money on them. I did however see an ad for the movie Crazy Stupid Love. We bought it because Emma Stone is in it, and she is super funny. Steve Corrall and Julliane Moore aren’t too shabby either. I’d seen and read The Notebook, but story lines that involve people being kept apart by other people for ‘their own good’ make me angry, so I wasn’t particularly impressed and didn’t find Ryan Gosling very memorable. Whatevs. We watched this movie on a particularly bad day, so I appreciated the escape. I was a little off my game and didn’t see the climax coming at all so I was laughing my ass off. Before that though, there’s one scene in this movie where the Emma asks what 'Don Juan' Ryan Gosling’s big move is, to seal the deal on taking girls to bed. His big move is the lift scene from Dirty Dancing. He just lifts girls up and keeps them up there. Just hanging out. I laughed as he described it and then watched as he did. You guys. That shit would SO work on me. I don’t know if it’s because I was a dancer, or if I want to feel all delicate and manhandled, but dear god as soon as my feet hit the ground again I’d be hauling him off to bed. One of my best friends adores romantic comedies, and in fact laments that they have ruined her love life because that is not how real life is. I have never been that girl. I cringe, I talk shit, I laugh. I’m now crushing hardcore on Ryan Gosling. Also? Bradley Cooper, who I did not like at all until he was the gay guy in Valentine’s Day, (which I borrowed not bought) speaks French fluently. It’s like the universe just wants me to not be a lesbian.