I survived the appointment! WOOT WOOT!! *Vector hip thrust* I did not melt down in the waiting room or during the appointment and I am so relieved. Before and after however....well, I'm only human. I did all my shopping beforehand as my appointment was late in the afternoon, and I have to admit I still need to go check my lists against what I actually bought because I was freaking out. On the elevator ride up I almost passed out. When I got there I had to fill out some paper work so that was a nice distraction, then the lady brought me back for questions and we discussed my lovely history; 1 live term birth, 1 D&C at 15 weeks, 1 early miscarriage, and 1 preterm birth. And a partridge in a pear tree? Then she asked me my weight and it seriously took me an entire minute to answer. I know my scale is totally wrong, but I just use it as guide on whether I’ve lost or gained weight as opposed to how much I actually weigh, so I didn’t want to lie but I didn’t know what to tell her. I felt so lame.
I go back to his office, and it has been redone. I wish this didn’t have such a big affect on me, (office furniture affecting my anxiety is a little embarrassing) but it really did. His old desk was the kind that had cubbies going up the wall, was shaped in an L and was always full and cluttered. This was a table, empty and uncluttered. A total relief for me. I told him my concerns and was informed I could lose hair for UP TO A YEAR AND A HALF post partum at which point my head exploded and the appointment ended. Just kidding, but that news sucks ass and I’m going to be bald soon. We talked about birth control, which we do not use, and he asked for how long and I was like…uummmm…forever? So then we had this conversation;
Him: Are you going to have a baby?
Me: *blink* What the fuck does he mean by that? Like am I pregnant? I’m here because I don’t think I’m ovulating, how could I be pregnant? Is he asking me to predict the future? Is this some kind of weird positive thinking cheerleader thing? Am I supposed give an enthusiastic YES with a fist pump? What the fuck do I say to that? Does it LOOK like I have a choice in these matters?! I don’t have control over whether or not I have a baby! IT’S OUT OF MY HANDS! *blink* Ummmm.
Him: I mean is pregnancy your goal?
Me: OH! Yeah, yeah, it’s my goal to be……pregnant….
Awkward. But I think I pulled it off. Then he starts talking about the statistics of how long it takes normal fertile couples to conceive, plus if you throw in some sort of hormonal imbalance it could take X amount of time instead and blah blah blah, and I was like; Um yeah, but are we going to ignore that I do think there’s a hormonal imbalance or just wait longer to support the statistics…what are we doing here? So I have blood work 2 times in the next month to test for various hormonal/thryroidial or whatever issues. Which I appreciate.
As I get up to leave he says; This is going to happen for you! Your next appointment here will be an OB one! All smiley and happy. I wanted to pat his arm; Oh, you’re such a sweetie, if only it was that easy. Like he’s new to the game or something. He and his wife have been practicing a combined total of like 45 years or some nonsense but I feel weathered and more experienced than him. Am I like the one statistical anomaly in his practice or something? Everyone else gets knocked and brings their kid home? Weird.
So then I got pizza for everyone, came home, ate way too much of it and felt like ass and didn’t have time to exercise so was feeling very! throat! punchy! So I went ahead and got into an argument with my husband. Who is such a wonderful man, but if he tells me I need to think positive about the potential autopsy reports of my dead son again we might have to throw down. I’m kidding, he’ll probably say it again and I won’t beat him up. He just doesn’t know what to say and I need to be blunt and tell him; stop talking, keep hugging. But it will hurt his feelings so I’ve been trying to wait on that.
Anyway. Super fucking relieved that’s done. I’m very proud of myself for going to the appointment with the doctor that stresses me out the most over all of them, and I know that next time it won’t be nearly as bad. Next is blood work, which I’m totally fine with, and hopefully answers. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Also, discussed cervical mucus, mine's awesome. *Vagina high five* At least I got that.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The last line made me laugh because I always stressed about cervical mucus. Even before I got pregnant with Eliza, I was just afraid that there wasn't enough. And after losing her, I felt so incredibly old and wizened that it just seemed my cervical mucus would dry up and die, too. Anyway, I'm glad yours is awesome.
ReplyDeleteOptimism is a hard trait to handle in a health care provider. On the one hand, of COURSE you want him to tell you you'll be pregnant soon. On the other hand, how the HELL does he know? Here's hoping he's psychic.
Optimism is also a hard trait to handle in a husband. Hugging usually better than throat punching, but each impulse has its place.
I know it doesn't really matter, but I want this for you. So. Much. I'd get you pregnant myself if I could. (That sounds weird but I'm leaving it as I'm sure you get what I mean.)
I'm really not good with positivity because it all feels like lies in my current place. I'd almost prefer a 'you're fucked' because then I could nod and say "don't I know it".
DeleteAhh, doctors. I, too, had a fun appt not too long ago. My dr was late because he had to "catch a baby" and I was waiting in the waiting room to tell him I had just lost mine. Great fun. I had all the blood work done and alas, all normal. Not sure how I should feel about that? Really awful bad luck? Live birth, miscarriage, ectopic and miscarriage? He always tells me these tiny percentages, yadda yadda, "the odds of this are x, the odds of that are y." I finally told him, "Sorry, but I seem to fall into the TINY craptasic percentages, so that really doesn't make me feel better, just makes me think about how UNLUCKY i am." lol.
ReplyDeleteHere's to our rainbow babies, whenever they come!
At this point, if I was to get pregnant (my last mc was in May), I'd probably throw up bc my poor emotions can't handle another 'mishap'. yikes!
Honestly 7 months out I don't think I'd handle any better. Should I ever get knocked up again it'll be a looooong 9 months.
Delete*vagina fist bump*
ReplyDeleteUm...
*vagina pound*?
Worse.
*slap some skin*?
My computer's about to be flagged.
*congratulatory nod*
I'm going with that one.
BAHAHAHAHA!!
DeleteThanks. :)
Less talking more hugging. I'm huggin' you, right here. Carefully cuz I hurt my back and can barely move. Okay. No talking. ((((HUG))))
ReplyDeletePerhaps you should add more vodka into your daily activities. That's where I go.
DeleteI'm not entirely sure of how to respond to "*Vagina high five*"... lol.
ReplyDeleteDon't leave me hanging.
DeleteHAHAHAHA!!
So, he's just saying, 'Nah, we're not going to follow up with any of your bloodwork, don't call me until you're knocked up."? I know he's not, but what an odd choice of wording. I should know better. I have three friends who are physicians and really, it's more like I was tolerant of two awkward people who are now successful and got turned down multiple times by a dork who had some common sense.
ReplyDeleteBut at least you're the right kind of slimy?
Also, I think the response to a vagina high five concerning mucus might actually be along the lines of *SLLLUUUUURRRRPPPP* or maybe *SQUOOOOSHHHHHH*
DeleteBAHAHAHAHA!!! Now I feel like we're having slug convention.
DeleteDoctors are fucking weird.
Okay, I usually respond with *fist bump*, but that's totally inappropriate. How's about I up the ante on the fist bump and redirect it to your doctor's throat? KAPOWIE.
ReplyDelete(Perhaps he's not an asshat, but sweet baby Jesus he could do better.)