Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I'm having issues.
FYI "issues" is code for 'completely losing my shit'. Again.
I started spotting on Sunday. A tiny bit. Just enough to make sure I'm aware that my guard can never be let down on this pregnancy.
I cleaned hotel rooms when I was pregnant with G. In 3 story high hotels. I lugged vacuums and cleaning supplies up and down those stairs all the time. I thought my back would break, but, that's how it is. Everything was fine. I call the doctor about the spotting and they tell me to stop picking up anything heavy. "How heavy?" "25 pounds." G is 26 pounds. They want me to stop picking up my baby.
Well then.
It stops, nothing on Monday, back on Tuesday. Fine this morning, back this afternoon. I only feel the baby moving off and on still. Sometimes it feels like it's been forever and I'm terrified something has happened.
Then I get a call from the doctor. The blood tests I took last week are abnormal. Higher possibility for down syndrome and neuro tube defects. This is especially concerning because of my previous losses. They want me to go in to the specialist, hopefully they'll give me a call this week to set up an appointment. Discuss whether I'm willing to have an amnio done.
My cousin had abnormal tests and her son is fine. I know this does not guarantee there is something wrong.
But jesus fucking christ. Really?
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My mom was in her 40s when she had me. She had already lost two children & was told so much scary shit about what would go down. She was spotting, was a bad diabetic...oh, the list goes on...& the pregnancy turned out fine. But...I totally understand the concern. I wish there was something more to say. ~Mary
ReplyDeleteShit, Amelia. That's all there is to say, isn't it? Waiting sucks, worrying sucks worse, and living every single second with your ass frightfully hanging off the edge of every twitch or nudge your body and baby does and doesn't give is the mothereffer of all worsterness.
ReplyDeleteThere are mad hugs, love, and good thoughts headed your way, Amelia.
Oh Amelia, that blows. That just blows. The stress of it just sucks. I'm sorry that this has not been your week.
ReplyDeleteIf you want stories about how things seemed bad and turned out fine, I could tell you about how I lost a ton of blood--like, soaked a mattress--when I was 23 weeks pregnant with Dylan. Or how I had placenta previa with Estelah and wasn't supposed to lift anything, but Dylan is a huge kid and he was just a baby, so I had to tote his 30 lb ass around, and I did.
But probably those aren't helpful. So I'll just tell you that I'm rooting for you, hoping things turn out fine, and most importantly hoping that you can keep the stress and anxiety to a minimum.
Keep us posted.
xoxo
I'm thinking about you too Amelia and sending you the best of thoughts from Vancouver. (((((HUGS))))))
ReplyDelete(oh, and in case having me comment is freaky, I often see your comments on seeking elevation and now I am here. Pullin' for you.)
Sister, I feel you. I am holding my breath, thinking only good and wholesome things, beaming them your way. Being happy or at least distracting yourself from worry won't jinx you, promise. PROMISE. Not that I expect you to run out and ride a roller coaster this week (this news has taken care of that, eh?), but don't beat yourself up for not being on guard. Worrying won't stop the spotting or change the tests, but God dammit there are more good stories than bad when it comes to those quad screens. Fuck quad screening, is what I'm saying. And Hell Yes to you and your baby.
ReplyDeletePlease call me when you're freaking out. Those tests are wrong very, very often. Do you have any thoughts on the amnio tests? Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteGOD DAMN IT! AGHHHH...really seriously? like you don't have enough on your plate as it is! I am sending you positivity and light and love and hoping that some of it helps...even though none of it changes the outcome, I hope some calmness in the waiting is yours to have. But WHO AM I KIDDING? I am sure you will just be freaking out until you find out what the FUCK is going on. Hugs to you
ReplyDeleteOh, I am so sorry Amelia. I hope that this anxiety is all for nothing. I just know how terrifying it all is and I'm wishing you nothing but the best.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have to go through this. I really can't imagine. I am thinking of you tons and sending good vibes your way. My girlfriend had abnormal tests and aside from her son being a little shit, he's just fine ;0) Wishing and hoping for the best for you girl.
ReplyDelete