"Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos."

I wrote this probably 2 months ago, and it’s just been sitting in my drafts. I don’t know what I’ve been waiting for, maybe for it to hurt less. I don’t think that’s going to be any time soon, so I’ve decided to post it. Today is Little M’s 3 month birthday, and it’s a Tuesday, so it matches when we had him. That seems as good a day as any to share this.

My last screen name on myspazz was Undergoing Amelioration. I first heard the word ameliorate on The Simpsons probably 10 years ago. (I promise I do watch other shows in my life.) I was watching it with closed caption on and Lisa had it as a spelling bee word, I noticed the spelling, looked it up, and was in love. When I started this blog, I felt like I wanted the title to represent that I was putting forth effort to constantly improve, rather than have it be something that was happening to me, so I picked Searching for Amelioration. I have no idea if my title makes sense, if I’m using the word appropriately. So far no one’s sent me a message telling me what a dumb ass I am, so I have hope that either someone will kindly tell me I’ve got it all wrong, or that my title is using the word correctly.

A couple of months ago I was told I have a fancy name. I was of course flattered, but it was something I’d never thought much about. I like my name ok, I like that not many people have it. I do not like that not many people pronounce it right. I get uh-mole-ya, uh-mill-ya, and more often than not, Emily. For reals. I say it uh-meal-ya, and find the spanish pronunciation, uh-mail-ya pleasing as well. My middle name is Jasmine, hence the picture in my header. It’s a pretty enough name, it is my favorite flower of all time. I love the way it looks and smells, so I appreciate it I suppose.

I’ve always loved the French language, it’s beautiful for me to hear and read, and I liked speaking it for that year I took it. I heard G’s name years ago, and knew if on the off chance I did procreate, that’s the name I’d use for a girl, it has ties to a book I love as well, a character I admired. When I was pregnant, J hurt his back and was all doped up on pain pills and adorably, but pathetically emoting, when he asked if he could pick her middle name. He had already agreed to the first name, but that was essentially all my doing. I could not help but agree. We needed a short middle name. Like miniscule. If you guys knew the 9 letter Czechoslovakian scrabble MASTERPIECE that is my last name, you would throw rocks at me for saddling her with what I chose for her first. It’s so long that although I call her G on here to give the illusion of some anonymity, I call her that in real life too when I’m writing her name. She is going to HATE us in kindergarten. So we were looking at 3 letter middle names only. There were quite a few in the running when J made his request. He picked one steeped in his family’s history, as that is his way. His aunt on one side, a cousin on another, and most importantly his mom and grandfather all have a tie to this name. So I had to stand by my word, even though it wouldn’t have been my first choice. Her name is the perfect representation of us both, a French name, beloved character in a book, and his family.

The 2 of us are completely different in our name picking style. I was enamored with Svetlana for quite awhile until I noticed the disturbing trend of it being the name of the dead Russian prostitutes in crime dramas. I like different, new, exciting. He likes the same names that have been in his family for years.

We have been able to agree on one boy’s name to date. We have chosen to keep it until the hoped upon day that we get to bring a baby boy home, seeing as it took months to even agree on that one. We have yet to find another girl’s name we both like.

When I was in the hospital taking pills to try and have Little T I asked J if we should name him, through my tears, because that’s what I did then, I just cried. Not sob, not wail, just tears, leaking down my cheeks as I went through life. He suggested a name I particularly liked, but that he did not at all. I think he wanted to do something special for me, maybe to make me feel a little better. He picked the middle name, a name that he, his cousin, and his dad all share. A few days before we had Little M I told J I thought he should choose his name. He had been so giving with me with Little T, and he had felt this one move every morning as we cuddled, I wanted him to have that. He picked a name that covers so many of his family members I don’t know if I’d get the list complete. His brother, his dad, his grandpa, his uncle, his cousin, all of them, honored in that name.

I don’t mention the kids by name in a small effort to keep some things private for J. When I started this blog it was my goal to integrate who I was online with who I was in real life. My work life had always been very fulfilling, and I loved who I was there, I felt respected and valued. At home was a different story. I felt truer to my online sense of humor and voice than I did of who I’d become. So after I broke up with my ex and changed my life all around and moved my blog, I wanted to be more honest in all facets and used my real first name, to be held accountable I guess, and just didn’t use the last. J says I am never to mention him; he doesn’t like people gossiping about him. Which I have completely ignored because he’s too funny not include here. Plus you know, he’s a big part of my life, which is what I write about. He totally knows. It’s all about compromise. ;)

But I do want my babies’ names to be whispered occasionally. With love. And I wanted to share them with you as I have their stories, so just this once, I’ll tell the story of how they got their names.

G.enevieve Su.e. T.hadious Rich.ard. Mar.k Dav.id. My sweet ones.
I hope you ignore the intrusive periods, but they share their names with so many, I don’t want things to pop up in a search. And thank you for reading.