G has been sick. Not emergency room sick, just open sores on her face from the constant smearing of the rivers of snot pouring from her nose, refusing to eat, (HA) fevers galore and a hacking cough that doesn’t let her sleep sick. My poor poor baby. So I’m in her room cuddling her for maybe the 3rd time after bed time because she keeps waking up and mewling pitifully in between coughs while standing in her crib, not having enough voice to yell for me. And I think to myself; oh lawd this is going to be A Night. And tomorrow I’m going to be so tired…..and I stop, because I realize there's nowhere I'd rather be than here with my kid.
I have the luxury of not having to worry if I’ll be too tired to drive to work tomorrow. Of not feeling the overwhelming guilt of leaving my sick baby with her grandparents, who would take fantastic care of her, but when you’re sick all you want is your mommy. Of not feeling a clench in my stomach of wondering what I will do because my work doesn’t have my kid is sick days and day care sure as heck doesn’t want her.
Did I have shit to do? Yep. Did I have shit I only want to do but that keeps me sane? Yep. But right there I was able to just be with my little one without worrying about any of it. I sat there and gave what I had to offer, comfort, love, undivided attention.
It’s been an interesting learning experience, this illness. It made me realize and think about quite a few things. All she wanted to do was rest, thank goodness, but she wanted one of us next to her holding her hand. And one look at her pitifully sad eyes and I could not say no. I sat there, anxiously looking toward my phone, at the needed to be cleaned house, and held her hand. It was a rare event.
I’m not doing as well as I’d like to of being Present. My attention is usually divided and I’m feeling guilty about that. I KNOW I can do better. If we’re home, and not outside, I’m generally fervently scrubbing a toilet or vacuuming a floor or cooking dinner, or, and here’s the problem, on my phone or computer. Sometimes the tv is on, sometimes it’s off. G plays with her toys, reads her books, tries to help.
I read to her a couple times throughout the day, when she asks. But I don’t sit down and have learning time with her, I’ve just been sort letting it come organically throughout our day, if there’s an option to count something, or in the car singing the abc’s. Now I’m wondering should I be? Should we be sitting down with papers and work sheets and learning stuff? I was reading a blog about 2.5 year old twins who know the states, can sound out words and can count backwards from 20. And her not yet 2 year old cousin can count to 10 in like 4 languages, not to mention say, not sing, the abc’s on command. Ummm. Shit. We aren’t doing that. Am I doing her a disservice by taking her outside to play and to friend’s houses to socialize instead of doing the other things? I don’t doubt her ability to do those things, should I decide to make the time and effort, but is it worth it? Will she be so much more successful in life because of it? Does she need to be challenged more?
I feel she is developmentally right in the middle for her age group. She speaks phenomenally in my eyes. Yesterday she says; “when Wisa is a baby she says Bart! Bart! for her word. Baby Wisa is soo cuute, she woves (loves) her Bart, that is my favorite part of Simpsons, when baby Wisa says Bart!” I was so proud of her for so many reasons, 1. We haven’t seen that episode in quite awhile because Bart says he hates Lisa in it, and G started saying that and I don’t think that’s appropriate, so she remembering this from a few weeks ago. 2. She not only knows the word favorite, and apparently what it means, but applied it on her own, to something that is indeed her favorite part. Just pulled it right out of her ass. To me, that was awesome! But it is absolutely not on par with knowing the states, and? She’s talking about the Simpsons, I mean come on, they aren’t going to get her into advanced placement classes. For reals. Also, still way behind on the food thing. But otherwise, she seems to be doing well. She plays with her friends, instead of just with their toys, she knew unprompted what I wanted to hear after she got off time out this morning, she’s not writing a symphony, but we’re doing all right.
So my musing are twofold; what is it I’m feeling guilty about? How much direct undivided attention time is going to make me feel like I am being the best mom I can be? Not the best mom ever, just me feeling satisfied? Does this exist for me, or is it my anxiety and sadness over losing my babies translating into new and exciting ways to lower my self esteem? Then; am I teaching her to enjoy her surroundings while learning at a moderate, comfortable pace, or am I teaching her to not use her full potential? At what point do I need to sit her down and have letter/number writing time? Am I the only one who doesn’t have all the states memorized?!
She’s feeling much better by the way. Thank goodness.
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Hoping that baby is feeling much, much better. I'm loving that you're appreciating that you get to sit and be with her. That's important for the child, I think, and amazing that you can appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteAs for learning, I'm with you. There's no intentional teaching happening over here. I used to--I tried. My son knew all of the letters and the sounds they made by 18 months. He once toddled by a "fire box" (which is funny enough) and sounded out the word "box" right around 20 months. We were amazed. And then the other kid came along and we had to chill out. Guess what happened? He forgot all his letters. Guess why? Because he wasn't ready to learn that shit. It doesn't matter. They say that the really *smart* toddlers are just the ones who watch a lot of tv and get that shit crammed into their brains. They also say that any early learning advantages are made up for later on. That we all even out.
I think G is learning a lot. She's learning about mommies and daddies and trust and communication and love. Geography? It's not as important.
xx
Oh thank goodness, that is such a relief. I'm already feeling better. :)
DeleteSeriously?? Why in the fucking world would a 2.5 year old need to know that shit?? Are they going to be able to drive there? No. I personally think all they're learning is how to repeat relatively useless knowledge and that saying what other people want them to say is the best thing they can do. G does not have that problem. She knows what she thinks is important and that you care about what she says.
ReplyDeleteIan is still working on learning the whole times tables. He can figure out multiplication in his head pretty quickly, and then remember a number he's figured out, but knowing lists of stuff is not his style. I'm OK with that. I'd rather he use his thinking skills than his memory.
Dude, I don't think my 10yo can name all the states. And, honestly? Why would you need to?
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. Appreciating the time you spend together is more important that getting things crammed in your head. Taking the opportunities to teach her as they come is great. She can learn all the abc's and 123's at school-home is where you learn love, laughter and all the stuff that makes you a good person.
You're an awesome mom. Don't feel guilty.
My cousin was one of those kids that knew all the states (and presidents if I remember correctly) at a very young age.. I'm sorry, but I'd rather not have my kids be like that. Sure there is a time for learning, but I want it to be fun and relevant! My best friends almost 3 year old could point out several different edible and non-edible mushrooms last summer. But that was because the mom and her would go mushroom picking and they had fun together. Sure she learned them,(it was/is important to not pick poisonous ones) but she was spending quality and fun time with her mom!! That's the type of learning I want for my kid!
ReplyDeleteIt's been my experience that children learn the most when you constantly speak to/with them. Talk about everything you're doing. I was never big on sitting down and teaching my children and they all did very well in school. Games or puzzles were used to teach colors, numbers etc. Make it fun. Also, I think being a child is more important than all that other stuff. They are young for such a short time. Being out in nature is the best. Connecting to the earth and nature is so inspiring. When my children were young, I wasted a lot of time worrying about things I wasn't doing with them. That only serves to take us out of the present moment, which is really all we have. I say live in the moment and love your lives.
ReplyDeletekaren
Oh, I'm so sorry she's been sick. Those bugs can be heck for those little ones, and good heavens, the snot. Glad she is doing better.
ReplyDeleteAs far as schoolin', what I've seen basically says that if kids are within the trajectory of "normal" development (i.e. meet age-appropriate developmental milestones for stuff like walking, talking, stringing together a sentence) then it's all pretty much a wash up until about 7. I mean, not that they don't benefit from doing stuff, being exposed to stuff, etc., but as long as they master what 7-year olds are supposed to have mastered, by 7, having done so earlier than 7 doesn't predict a higher level of success later on than, you know, not. So being able to recite all the states at 2.5 and being able to do so at 7 are the same. Though I'm 43 and don't know I could rattle off all 50 easily (and, to prove my point, I was a very early reader, so there you go -- I'm nonetheless a dolt as an adult. Hey, that sort of rhymes!).
I was just talking about this today with a friend. There is so much pressure to keep up, to excel, to do it all. We worry when our kids don't do what that other kid does and someone else worries when their kid doesn't do what our kid does.
ReplyDeleteI think that it's important for little kids to explore the world in their own way without the pressure of formalized education. Everything is an adventure and an education for a kid. Going to the market, playing at a friends house, taking a walk. They're taking it all in, especially when we're talking to them about all the things we're doing.
You're doing great. Hope she feels better soon.
I've been mulling over this one. I don't think Einstein's mother quizzed him incessantly or dug through his backpack everyday (knapsack?). In my rather humble opinion, there is a time and place for everything and we have evolved to absorb information in a certain way over a certain period of time. First we learn how to be human beings of worth and character, how to love and be loved, how to communicate and perceive ourselves- THEN we learn the alphabet. That shit can get crammed into a few weeks; it's the personal foundation that takes years and makes the difference between rote memorization to a nobel prize (or, success and happiness in whatever form). Lead with love, is what I say.
ReplyDelete...And yes, I totally practice my kid's reading with him on a daily basis. I really try not to push. Gah.
...And yes, I constantly question whether or not I'm "challenging him" or allowing him "creative expression" and I feel terribly guilty about never having instituted any kind of learning time. The poor kid doesn't even know Mother Goose rhymes. Point is, I feel you.
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