Battleslut Glacticock

Friday, June 26, 2009 Battleslut Glacticock Current mood: relieved Category: Life For the first time in YEARS I watched Chasing Amy with J the other day. I LOVE Kevin Smith movies, and I’ve seen this one numerous times, but never as the me I am today. This movie pissed me right the fuck off this time!! (If you haven’t seen Chasing Amy, or don’t know what it’s about, probably you should just skip this whole blog.) Holden is SUCH an insecure, whiney asshole!! We were watching it halfway while playing Scrabble, so I wasn’t really paying that much attention, just background noise really, when J looks up and says, “Wow, that guy’s a dick”. And I fell a little more in love w/ him. I’m that girl. I’m not fingercuffs, didn’t go quite that far, but, I was definitely no goody 2 shoes in high school. I had my first boyfriend at 17, was monogamous for 10 years, then married the next person I had sex with after breaking up w/ the boyfriend. So my partner count essentially took place in the 3 years before that, and it’s high, considering. It was always something I was ashamed of, that I felt I needed to hide, I’m a nice girl, but people won’t think that if they know the truth about me. I was never at peace with the bold outgoing me. So I did, I was dishonest, for a long time, until I came to the conclusion this is not the life I want to lead, and I came clean, tried to tactfully let people know who I am, and was. The hardest was the ex, not really his fault I had been dishonest about my past, but it didn’t change who I was at that moment. Predictably, there were problems, anger, resentment, etc. *sigh* So I was a slut in high school, did we really need to bring that up all the goddamn time in our relationship? NO. Just because you weren’t, doesn’t make me a bad person, just someone with different experiences. And no I wasn’t taken advantage of, I initiated things damn near every time. Yes, I realize now I had issues, and was acting out, but so fucking what? We all have things to go through. We all have roads to travel in an attempt to become the person we are happy being. Holden seems like he was stuck in judgmental, small minded high school mode, never moving on to adulthood, where one should realize that people’s sexual experiences are part of who they are, but definitely don’t make up the entirety of their personality. When I watched Chasing Amy before, it made me feel, ‘oh that sucks, she’s there too’. Not ‘what a fucking dick, probably he should get right the fuck over it’ as I think now. I can’t believe how many years I spent not being myself, or at the very least being so many different versions of myself I’m surprised I knew who I was looking at in the mirror. There will always be different facets of who I am, I won’t act the same at work as I do w/ my friends, and I will tone down that me for my grandparents, mom etc. But the core group of people, my friends, sisters, my HUSBAND for sure, should all know the same me in my opinion. I spent too long trying to be the person I thought people would look at as a nice girl, when I can be crude, inappropriate, blunt, honest, and still be NICE. Who knew? J hurt himself, (he’s fine, recuperating) and so is a more vulnerable version of himself for the past few days, and has been asking the deep questions; “Why do you like me? What would you change? Does is bother you I look at porn?” He is so effing cute. My answers; “I can be completely myself around you, you push me to do better, stop lecturing me on how to clean the damn kitchen, I didn’t marry you to change you into someone new, I married you b/c I love the person you ARE, and no, look at all the porn you want, as long as you don’t become skeevy and addicted.” And we talked about how it was nice to be able to just be honest about who we are and what we want. It’s such a relief, such a breath of fresh air, still, after 3 years, to be so happy with him. So the moral to this convoluted, all over the place story is; in our search for the person we are happiest being, we will make a lot of decisions, mistakes, and inappropriate choices. No one is perfect, so don’t look at me in disgust, just realize it’s the road I took, and if you don’t like me now, that’s fine, but don’t base your opinion of me just on what I did 15 years ago. Also, Jason Lee was super funny in that movie. Now, to work on my many other issues. Until then… Overheard; At my family’s Easter Egg hunt (Yelled across the yard.) “Evan!! Come cheat w/ Grandma!” Whispered to my guts when he thinks I’m not paying attention. “Grow a wiener.” Upon the realization I am paying attention. “Just kidding.” Forgetting Sarah Marshell; Penetrate deeply and stimulate the clitoris simultaneously. If you can involve the anus in that, that’s absolutely perfection. If God was a city planner he would not have put a playground next to a sewage system! Clerks 2; Fuck Pillowpants! Honk if you love a lot of pussy! Downtime's important. If I had to deal with all the fucking mouthbreathers non-stop without a break, I'd put my head in the deep-fryer. Balls too. Because it's fucked up! And, I wanna see if a chick with a mouth full of donkey spunk swallows. Zach and Miri Make a Porno; ....Brandon...., uh, is the star as such adult fare as, what was that one called again? "You better shut your mouth or I'm gonna fuck it." You don't know what a Dutch Rudder - alright, you grab your dick, and then you have somebody else work your arm. Here, lemme show you. Grab my arm, I'm grabbing my dick, you're grabbing my arm... now work it. Work it. Work my arm. See that shit? Now work it up and down. See that? It's like somebody else is jerking you off.