When you finally trust me, finally believe in me, I will..

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 When you finally trust me, finally believe in me, I will.... Current mood: satisfied ...let you down, I'll let you down, I'll, when you finally trust me, finally believe in me... It's amazing how smelly good candles brighten my outlook on my apartment. I feel warm and fuzzy and ok with my space in life. I am hostess to a very elite slumber party. Only a select few have been invited. Nellie and Payton to be exact. If you were not on the guest list, my apologies, perhaps next time. We are currently watching Nannie McPhee, and eating popcorn. Guess I'm remaining sober tonight. I was never able to do this before, so I am actually excited about it. They just got back from vacation, so it's nice to be able to spend time with them. I'm kinda bummed about the whole smoking outside thing though. I find it interesting that I am the least lonely I have ever been in my life. I live by myself and am feeling more connected to the outside world then I ever have before. I talk to my friends, I see my friends!! It's astounding how happy this makes me. Astounding because I can't believe I ever did without them. I love you. My lesbianism is not going as planned. Is there some sort of secret meeting place I'm not aware of? Because I can't find a nice hot lesbian to spend some quality time with to save my life. Any help in this matter would be greatly appreciated. While throwing myself with wild abandon into my new found social life, I have discovered I'm completely mentally retarded. When I get nervous or flustered, which happens quite often, I lose all ability to speak. I guess I would choose this affliction over the ever popular sticking one's foot in one's mouth, but it's disconcerting none the less. My friends tell me that I am actually capable of interesting conversation. Well, Melissa does at least. And I do spend quite a bit of time on the phone talking. But I get around new people, and I turn into a mute. How many people want to talk about ballet, kids, (a weird topic for me as I have none, and I spend my life avoiding any possability of having them, but one I do seem to have an endless energy for) group homes, mindless books that require no brain to read, that I go through so fast I can't remember the names of most of them, and drinking? Not many people, but these are pretty much my only intrests in life. Having a drink does not help at all either, because then I'm convinced I will say something retarded. However if I have quite a few drinks, I'm completely cured, and in fact become the exact opposite; loud, obnoxious, and were it to happen in public, probably embarassing. So it seems I must choose between the two. Perhaps I'll just let whoever I happen to be with make that decision, as they will be the most affected. Let me know of your preferences so I can plan accordingly. From Dogma; I really don't think a killing spree is going to make things better. I need you three to shuffle her loose the mortal coil. Let it never be said that your anal retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results. You can't be anal retentive if you don't have an anus. From I Robot; Oh mother damn, she just shot at you with her eyes closed! You are the dumbest smart person I have ever met in my life! From Will and Grace; What are we in line for? From the looks of this crowd, I hope it's birth control. From Hot Six, by Janet Evanovich; Most women would have an orgasm on the spot to find Morelli sitting in their car. He had that effect. I'd known Morelli for most of my life, and I almost never had an on-the-spot orgasm, anymore. I needed at least four minutes. If I had the movies PCU, and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, these quotes would be WAY more interesting.