Dear Jesus, please protect me from your followers.

Thursday, August 09, 2007 Dear Jesus, please protect me from your followers. Current mood: crazy Category: Life This one's short, just had something to get off my chest.... There are packs of suicidal wild deer families, so intent on their quest, they seem completely fine w/ the possibility of taking me out w/ them. It's not enough that I'm convinced that all of Sacramento and surrounding metropolitan areas are out to kill me w/ their cars. Now I need to worry about nature as well. I really shouldn't be surprized. I've never really trusted nature. It's still bitter about humans destroying the planet, and is now attempting to fight back. And I'm number one on the list. I'm on nature's most wanted. I tell J of my increasing concern about the high numbers of deer that seem to find themself in the road my car is traveling down. He says to drive through them and duck down. I've got airbags. Not as comforting as I'd hoped. Although then maybe the car would be destroyed, which would indeed be a plus. I'd just hoped I wouldn't actually be IN the car whilst it was undergoing destruction. Beggers can't be choosers I guess. The deer are varying on their degrees of commitment, a few bolt past my headlights, w/ just enough time for me not to hit them, but w/ plenty of time for me to suffer a major heart attack, which is highly reccomended while driving, I bet you didn't know that. Then there are those, the majority, that are just chilling the fuck out in the middle of the goddamn highway!! Me and the drivers around me honk our horns, etc. They glance up, and go back to whatever is holding their attention at the yellow line. WHAT THE FUCK?!! Then there is the times they just hang out on the side of the highway, in the grasses, making sure I have the obligitory heart failure, but w/out having to put forth any effort on their part. "I should throw myself in front of this passing vehicle, but I'm feeling LAZY today. Eh, I'll get the next one." I am making those around me quite angry I assume, b/c I spend all my time w/ my brights on, searching the sides of the road, forgetting to turn them down when I come upon a car going the opposite direction. Every reflector on the side is animal eyeballs, every moving shadow is the furry brownness of a deer on the lam. Probably I should just give up and start hitchhiking. Then at least I won't be the one driving. Plus, I wouldn't have to listen to my car make that indignant noise just to remind me what an irresponsible car owner I am.... From Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister; "Stinging words! You're critical of everyone." "Oh, not everyone, only everybody who's alive, as well as most people who are dead. I'm quite neutral about anybody not born yet." From Wicked; "I don't read very well. So I don't think I think very well either." Galinda smiled. "I dress to kill though."