Pickle You Comquat!!

Tuesday, February 05, 2008 Pickle You Comquat!! Current mood: bummed Like I really fucking need more car issues. I'm on my way to Sac for my special dinner. I enter the nicely curvacious 13 corners, and a movement by the clock in my car catches my eye. I look over and see a large brown spider, which in my mind immediatly becomes a brown recluse out to kill me. I keep an eye on it and an eye on the road as there's no place to pull over, and this road is not where one should battle a spider. I get to the bottom and pull over. My preferred weapon of choice to kill potentially deadly insects is chemical warfare. This is for numerous reasons, the first being it provides the comfort and safety of distance I feel is required given those little fuckers have a tendency to jump at me, generally. The second is I avoid the disgusting stomach turning feel and sound of crunch when squooshing their little exoskeleton ensheathed bodies, as well as the leftover guts and random body parts for me to clean up when one smashes it w/ kleenex or something hard. So, I enjoy setting 409, windex, I'm indifferent what, on stream, and chasing the terror stricken arachind until it has taken its last breath. (Do they breathe?) But. B/c of the wine spilling incident, I am not allowed to carry open chemicals in the car for fear it will bleach or damage the carpet or upholstry. So. I grab an empty water bottle I hope will accomadate my desire for distance, and I'm crossing my fingers, spare me from the crunch feeling/noise. I attack. But it's in a minor crevice, so the water bottle just alerts the spider there is an attempt being made on his life, not doing any damage whatsoever. It runs to the left, towards the stearing wheel, and where I happen to be sitting. Convinced it is going to run down and onto my leg, I SCREAM and launch myself from the car, managing to turn the wipers on full blast and honk the horn. I now insanely brush at my pants, (on the side of a pretty busy highway mind you) in a way that resembles someone on drugs convinced the bugs are after them. Deciding it is not on me, I venture back to the car to find out where the fuck it is. I look all over the floor, the seat, the dash, and I find it, in the crack between the stearing column and the dash. Fuck. Water bottle for sure isn't fitting there. I flatten an empty cigarette box and insert it in the crack forcefully back and forth. I begrudgingly check for entreals, and find none. The goddamn fucking spider is IN the column. I look all around and find a nice size hole for the lever to move the column up and down at the bottom, right above my legs. Fantastic. The perfect opportunity for it to repel down unbeknownst to me and bite the shit out of me, leading to my untimely death. And those around me to be honest, if I notice it's there cuz I will freak the fuck out and probably roll the car. It would be my luck that I wouldn't actually die from the bite, given all the weight I've gained recently. Probably it would just blacken and kill all the muscle and skin on the given appendage it chose to sink its venomous little fangs into. Probably it would require amputation. Sweet. So I spent the entire trip down there glancing down at my legs and the stearing wheel, and the entire trip back, (in the dark) CONVINCED there are killer spiders loose on my legs and hands. How much, do you think, it would cost to fumigate my car? I need to find adult, interview appropriate clothes, as I've outgrown all mine. I would like to put out a cry for help, cuz I can't find shit. Anyone know where I can find decently priced, nice looking pants that don't go up to my belly button? I can't stand that shit. Your help would be greatly appreciated. I have not yet addressed my "big move" to Moke Hill, and back to Calaveras. I lived in Sacramento longer then I ever lived anywhere in my life. And it was very kind to me. I met wonderful people I will love my whole life. It provided a wonderful job, and it seems, the potential to find other jobs should the need had arised I now realize. There are a plethera of used and new bookstores I could have gotten hired at, and then probably summerily fired from, when they found me in a quiet corner reading instead of stocking shelves or helping customers. My point being, it could have taken quite a long time to get through them all. Here there is 2 bookstores within 10 or 15 miles of me. One being a catholic bookstore, to be avoided at all costs if you're me, which I am, and one that is not hiring currently. Lame. But I digress. I want you all to know, I have NOT closed the door on Sacarmento, it will always be the place I know best. It will always be the place that provided me the opportunity to walk to a mini mart at 2am when I'm drunk and out of cigarettes from any of the apartments I lived in. And it will always be the place that some of the best people I have ever met live, and will be visited by me. I love you. Ok, I'm off to fill out my Jamba Juice application. Love to you all! I can't remember where I got this, some movie: I'd suck a fart outta her ass and hold it like a bong hit.