It was dawn, I was in my robe when the ninjas attacked...

Friday, May 18, 2007 It was dawn, I was in my robe when the ninjas attacked... *finished* Current mood: thankful I need someone to teach me the appropriate technique for passing cars. I have begun a new chapter in my driving career over the past year, as I spend so much goddamn time in the car now, the desire to get places faster has overcome my desire not to have mini heart attacks. So I pass cars. I come upon someone driving slower then me, I wait until there is a large area for me to see that there are NO cars coming, I signal, move into the other lane, pass, signal, move into my lane and light a cig w/ post adreneline rush shaking fingers. I do not pass people if they are going over the speed limit, even if I want to go faster. I can not yet justify that. But if they are going the speed limit or under, (and you'd be amazed at how many people go under, so so under.) then I pass. It turns out I'm pissing more people off doing this then I ever did driving slower then my grandmother. (I feel I should note that I still drove the speed limit in good conditions even at my worst.) I find this very confusing and troubling though. In the city I drive like a douche to be quite honest. I'm in my element and feel the safest here. Reguardless of the speed limit, traffic, or street I drive between 50 to 55 mph, will get right up on your ass if you're slower, and pass as soon as possible w/ a few exceptions: 1. It's pouring ass rain. If this is the case, I will be driving the speed limit, or slightly under, while crying and/or having mild to medium heart attacks. Except the one time there was flash flooding, hail, and a woman skidding into the suicide lane to avoid hitting me b/c oh yeah, we stop at red lights, at least that was what the 10 cars in front of me were doing, on the way to Faun's. At that time I was having a major heart attack and had to stick my head between my legs when I arrived in order to not pass the fuck out. 2.Other adults are in the car w/ me. You people make me nervous. 3. I see a cop. Pretty self explanitory. I slow down. 4. It's a residential area w/ stop signs every 5 goddamn feet, not allowing for enough time to build the appropriate amount of speed required to make me happy. 5. The speed limit is actually 45 or 50, in which case I'm going 55 to 60. There have been very few cases of road rage in my driving experiences in the city, the supposed place they are prevalent. The ones that did occur were generally warrented, and it was my fuck up, and I feel horrible. Which is why I'm so confused about the anger I provoke by simply passing people on the high way. Other people do it, I've mostly closed my eyes when I'm in a car that's passing, but I'm sure they'd say something if they pissed off the other car, or I'd notice. So I don't understand, people speed up much faster then they were even close to driving before, get so close that I can no longer see their headlights, a couple of times even swerved around. I'm going to puke on them if this doesn't stop. So, someone teach me please. What am I doing wrong? I have decided, that even if the Chevron, that says it's open, actually isn't, and I'm out of cigs, and there's no other mini marts on my direct route home, I should not go into the liquor store after 11pm. I think this is when the not so nice drunks come back for 2nds, and they are a rowdy bunch. In the quickly developing line behind me, we had men doing the east indian trilling at the clerk, asking him if everything was coming out ok when he got out of the bathroom, and asking me how I was doing tonight. Upon leaving, walking toward my car, I notice a man peaking around the corner of the building, then quickly moving it back when he spots me, seeing as I had to walk past that area, I repeat the "please don't rape me" mantra in my head while keeping a sharp eye out. I come to the corner and see 2 men running away, and I get in my car and lock the doors. When I told this to J a little later, his first response is "drug deal." What must it be like to not have every little figure and shadow in the dark be a possible rapist? Life must be so much different for those that this is not a concern. After having the unhappy experience of a kidney infection, that fucked up all the plans I had for that weekend hard core, I have been trying despretely to keep hydrated, and infection free. So I drink lots of water, and tons of cranberry juice. (It totally still counts if there's vodka in it right?) Now I'm not one who is very interested in my personal body smells or tastes, I attempt to cover up all evidence that I don't always smell like a fruity garden, and I'm not particularly concerned w/ my ability or inability to burp or fart long and loud. But cranberry juice burps taste super good! I would drink it just for that! How odd is that? I've never noticed anything of the sort before, w/ any food or drink. Christopher Walken used to creep me the hell out, but over the last year or so I have changed my mind, and I find him extremely entertaining now. He's not the sort that get's so into a character that you forget it's him, he's the sort that makes the character him. He's damn funny, and when J does his imitation of him, I laugh my ass off. There. Is. A. Sex toy. Home shopping network. Holy shit. I could not believe these girls were on tv, telling the ladies which number to call to be sure to have a woman answering, to order their $200 scorpion vibrator. Oh my god. Best home shopping network I have ever seen IN MY LIFE. In one of my past blogs, I wanted to know what class you all would teach, some of you answered, and I'm still waiting for some. I'd thought maybe I'd teach a happy thought class. But then I thought no, b/c everytime I try to tell people the happy thought theroy, they are less then receptive. Then it occured to me that first, my timing is off. When people are upset, and talking to me, they don't want to be cheered up, they want to vent and share, it's my job to listen, not try to make it all better. Also, happy thoughts are just like any subject, if people aren't interested, or don't want to do it, they won't! Just like english, or math, science. If it doesn't float your boat, you're not going to absorb it and take away as much as you could. I'm currently having some sort of reverse pms, and feeling very thankful, so I'd like to share. If you're not feeling mushy, or don't have about 30 hours, probably you should skip to the bottom. I'm thankful for my skin, for being able to feel the breeze brush over it, the touch of someone who loves me, the different textures on my cheek when I hug you, scratchy for some, soft for others, the warming glow of hot water, or summer sun, the feeling of sweat dripping down my neck. I'm thankful for the smell of Jasmine, of flowers given to me by J, for no reason, for smelling that smell that's just them, of the people I love, a yummy dinner, or cookies. I'm not thankful when I clean out the cat box though. I'm thankful for the pain my muscles send me when I've done something to stretch them, or make them a bit stronger, for the ability to feel each and every sinew going through my body, knowing that maybe I made them a little happier today. I'm thankful for my ears, to hear that even though Payton's a kid now, she still laughs like a baby, to hear the words I love you, and the music that makes me want to move and fills me up from the inside out. I'm thankful for my eyes, for bringing me all the pictures my imagination can hold from each written word I read, for seeing how much everything changes eveyday, such beautiful colors this world holds. I'm thankful for my hands, being able to pick up objects, children, for being able to reach out and hold on when needed, and to open up and let go as well, for being able to make blankets to cover those I love, and dial their phone number to hear their voice. I'm thankful that my body as a whole doesn't regularly fail me, just sometimes, and when it does, it's not so bad that I give up completely. I'm thankful for the taste of cheese and chocolate. I'm thankful for my mom giving me colorful meals, and the desire to hug, to my dad for giving me a sense of humor that makes me so happy and entertained about crude and gross things. For Trang, My, Susan, and Cassidy for being happy to see me each and every time, w/out being angry that sometimes it's been years, and especially Trang for always calling, never giving up. For Meredith, who thinks of me, and sends me pictures of her growing herd, and only wants me to be happy, for Bethany, who can finish my sentences and thoughts. I'm thankful for compromise, and the ability to meet someone halfway, and have them actually be there when I arrive, I'm thankful for words, the desire to be heard and to listen. In particular, the word trichatilamania, b/c it uses my whole mouth, tongue and teeth to say. I am thankful for my friends. Oh my friends. I love you all so dearly. I'm thankful that I laugh everyday. Without fail. From Sparks; I like to SNIFF Simple Green. Family Guy; Well Peter, you've only got a couple hours left, if you're going to pull a party out of your ass, you better stand up. From a movie I don't remember which one; Don't touch the DNA, it's rented. From a tv show; He had to be intubated b/c his brain couldn't be counted on to remember to breathe. (Sometimes w/ really hard combinations in ballet, I forget to exhale. It can get painful.) I will come to your house and punch you in the place that you make babies. From Liz; I'm all about not getting bleach in my hoo ha.